A Daily Mental Fitness Regimen
“The basis for true change is freedom from negativity. And that’s what acceptance implies: no negativity about what is. And then you see what this moment requires: what is it that is required now so that life can express itself more fully?”
~Eckhart Tolle
How does one free themselves from the chains of compulsive thought patterns, negative frames of mind, and a reactionary state of being? The answer, my friend, is Mindfulness and it is the key to a happier life and healthier relationships.
What exactly is Mindfulness? It is a two-fold practice of being aware of and accepting of what is in any given moment. In this practice, you allow yourself to become aware of your thoughts, emotions, and internal reactions as they arise, which gives you the opportunity to make potential shifts away from unconscious or ingrained behavioral processes.
The real trick of this practice, though, is the accepting and non-judgemental way you allow these awarenesses to show up. We as humans are designed to judge, form opinions, and be critical of what we believe to be right or wrong. It’s a survival trait that we’ve been gifted with; this ability of complex higher thoughts which has lifted us out of the rest of the animal kingdom.
Be kind to yourself. Remember that when you abuse yourself, you will experience the anger, regret, and apathy of the bully as well as the depression, anxiety, and insecurity of the victim. Whatever you do, be kind to yourself.
~Vironika Tugaleva
I’d like to share with you a daily mindfulness practice I call the internal watchdog. Think of the watchdog as always semi-alert, with one eye open, ready to spot intruders. The intruders in this case are negative and compulsive thoughts.
In this practice, internally you take on the persona of a watchdog. Observe your mind perform it’s thing as it engages in it’s routine thoughts, emotions, reactions, etc. to events throughout the day. You notice the goings on and try to “catch” intruders as they pass through.
Here’s the thing, this watchdog is not a big scary rottweiler. It’s a compassionate watchdog. You are the only you, you’ve got to be kind to you. This is not an exercise in self-judgement. If you deem yourself “bad” for having negative thoughts and emotions, you’re actually perpetuating the compulsive pattern of negative thoughts and emotions!
Accept all that pass through. It’s the spotlight of awareness that dissolves the darkness of negativity. The goal is to see it, name it, allow it, and bless it. As a thinker, you may be tempted to delve into the why’s behind whatever shows up. I suggest this to be a fruitless endeavor as it doesn’t actually solve anything in the moment by understanding why it’s happening. It just is. Who cares? The way to make a shift in your thoughts is to correct and move forward, not examine how you got there.
The best way to go about this practice is to make it a game with yourself. Be playful! Let me give you a for-instance (something that actually happened to me last week!)
It’s mid-afternoon and you live in a rural neighborhood. You’re taking your baby and dog for a walk timing it strategically with your baby’s nap time. You think to yourself, “Great, I’ll get some fresh air and exercise. The dog will have his adventure for the day. The baby will fall asleep for his afternoon nap… It’s like killing 3 birds with 1 stone!” Man plans and God laughs, right?
All goes as planned. It’s a quiet peaceful walk, the baby has been predictably out for about 15 minutes… and then someone turns a corner with two very large and very loud dogs who immediately wake the baby with their uproarious barking.
Internally, you’re cursing out the dogs for having woken your perfectly sleeping baby, who is now disturbed and is not likely to go back to sleep and good luck getting him down once you get home because it will be too late in the afternoon, yadda yadda yadda. Here’s where the internal chatter could continue if you indulge and lead you down a road of negative thinking patterns. This is the opportunity to be the watchdog:
- You’ve noticed the internal mind chatter and the watchdog’s ears perk up.
- The watchdog sniffs at the air and investigates the trigger, finding a feeling of resentment towards the dogs that has arisen.
- The watchdog sends another signal, a bark this time. This is your opportunity to welcome the feeling, accept it and allow a wider perspective to present itself.
There was an expectation that an event would go as planned and when it didn’t, the attachment to that expectation led to a negative reaction.
If you ignore the watchdog’s warning, it could have sparked a pattern of compulsive negative thoughts that, if left to run on and on, could perpetuate more negative emotions to linger long after the event has passed.
The practice of self-observation without judgement has detached you from the state you were in and now you are free to let it go, bless it, and move forward with a refreshed perspective.
Try playing the internal watchdog for a short period of the day. Start with 15 minutes. Have fun with it like a game of ‘Gotcha’, shining a light onto your internal landscape.
- Spot negative thoughts as they arise
- Witness emotions as they bubble up
- Name the emotions as you become aware of them if you can.
- Look out for patterns of repetitive thought, like a hamster wheel, that aren’t serving anything productive.
- Playfully correct yourself when you’re indulging in negativity. You can pretend to be a compassionate adult who’s teaching a youngster how to behave.
- Fear lives in darkness; Acknowledgement is the light that dissolves the darkness.
- To pause a train of thoughts and come back to the present moment, ask yourself “Is this thought about the future, past, or is it fantasy?” It’s usually one of the three.
Simply by asking the question is bringing an observation to light, which is enough to detach you from the thought pattern.
This is the point of the Internal Watchdog – a tool for re-training yourself to think and behave in a more mindful way, inviting a fuller and more authentic relationship with yourself and others.